Movie, or Things I've Learnt From Jackie Chan
by Serenity Goddess
Summary: [chap 11...fic now complete] (L/L) After Rory bails on her, Lorelai is left stranded and asks Luke to go to a movie with her. Will the movie get them to admit how they really feel about each other, or is there going to be a double homicide in the morning?
1. Lorelai and the Rock Donkey

Title: Movie  
Author : Serenity Goddess (sweet_serene99@hotmail.com)  
---  
ONE: LORELAI AND THE ROCK DONKEY  
  
"Coffee, please." Lorelai Gilmore hopped on the one of the bar stools at the counter, her purse in one hand and a folded newspaper in the other.  
  
"Okay," Luke said, turning around to get the pot of hot, steaming coffee behind him.  
  
"But I said pleas … what?"  
  
"I said okay." He turned back to face her again , putting an empty mug in front of her and the proceeding to fill it with coffee. He was wearing a simple red and white plaid shirt, with his dark blue cap typically put on backwards.  
  
"I don't understand." Lorelai looked at her coffee and then back at Luke.  
  
"Your coffee's there, drink up."  
  
"You're giving me coffee."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"I just ask and you give it to me."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Without saying no first?"  
  
"Yup."  
  
"Without telling me the evils of caffeine and what it could do to my body?"  
  
"Yeah." He motioned to the mug in front of her. "It's getting cold."  
  
"Hmmm," Lorelai frowned. "It's a trap, isn't it? Is this something like those vegetarian meals, where they make it look like chicken , and you go 'Oh, what a delightful looking plate of chicken', but when you eat it it tastes nothing like chicken, because, well, it's tofu, and then you wonder why Mother Nature would make anything that tasted that bland. "  
  
"Yes. You've caught me. This is tofu cleverly disguised as coffee." Luke deadpanned. "And for the record, you're probably the only person on this planet who would say 'Oh, what a delightful looking plate of chicken'."  
  
"Well, fine." Lorelai took a big gulp of her coffee. "Ooh, non-tofu coffee."  
  
"It's what I make best." Luke walked over to another customer who had just arrived at the diner and took his order.  
  
Lorelai drank deep and unfolded the newspaper she had brought along. She flipped it open mindlessly, reading whatever article that caught her interested. After a few moments, Luke appeared in front of her again.  
  
"Hmm, never figured you to be a newspaper-reading type of person," he commented casually as he cleaned the counter with the cloth he had slung over his shoulder.  
  
Lorelai looked up. "Why not?"  
  
"Never thought you were interested in what anybody has to say, except for yourself."  
  
"Ugh, that is like , the second meanest thing anybody has ever said to me." Lorelai responded indignantly.  
  
"Uh-huh." Luke filled a glass with tea and passed it to one of the other customers seated at the counter.  
  
There was a silence for a couple of seconds before Lorelai decided to speak again. "Luke?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Aren't you going to ask me what was the meanest thing anybody has ever said to me?"  
  
"No."  
  
"But you're supposed to."  
  
"Nope, but thanks anyway."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Luke put the cloth down on the table. "Because if I do, you're probably going to tell me something that probably, in reality, wasn't the meanest thing anybody has ever said to you, but some witty insult you yourself came up with after you spent several days thinking over it and are dying to use. Not gonna humor you, thank you."  
  
"Ugh. Brought this newspaper here for nothing then." Lorelai tossed it on the counter. "Gee, Luke, you're a real rock donkey."  
  
"I know I'm gonna regret asking this but – rock donkey?"  
  
"Hard ass," she translated. "Back when Rory was a kid, I didn't want to swear in front of her, so I would use these cute little phrases like "rock donkey" and "dog spawn". I think "rock donkey"'s gonna make a huge comeback, like Michael Jackson with Invincible."  
  
"Not a very good example to use."  
  
"Hush, rock donkey."  
  
"Speaking of Rory, where is she anyways?"  
  
"Oh, she had to leave for Chilton early today," Lorelai explained, "Paris is freaking about this week's issue of the Franklin and thinks the best way to solve it would be to have an early morning newspaper meeting. Her logic is strange, but very amusing."  
  
"Well, too bad she's not here. If she were, you would be yammering to her instead of me." Luke walked out from behind the counter and went to serve a couple who had just sat down at the table beside the window.  
  
"If you think you're the only person here that I can talk to, you're wrong mister. I'll just occupy my time chatting with my good friend here, Strange Man," Lorelai said loudly enough for Luke to hear. She turned to the stranger sitting beside her and smiled at him. "Hello, strange man, how are you today?"  
  
The stranger looked at her as if she had gone mad, and promptly moved two seats down.  
  
"You know the only reason people call you strange is because you're so rude!" She told the stranger.   
  
Upon hearing this, Luke rushed back to Lorelai. "Will you stop calling my customers strange?"  
  
"I was just trying to start up a conversation. Excuse me. By the way, before I forget," Lorelai reached into her purse and took out two tickets. "It just so happens I have an extra ticket for a movie tonight."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Yeah, you see, Rory was originally supposed to go with me, but Paris opened her Closet of Personalities and decided to wear Crazy today, so Rory's not going to be free tonight, too. Which leaves me, her own flesh and blood, stranded."  
  
"Why don't you go on your own?"  
  
"I can't watch a movie alone," she replied, "I feel that if I do, people in the theater judge me and then mock me after the movie."  
  
"I think they'll be too busy watching the movie to care."  
  
"Clearly you are unfamiliar with the study of human behavior."  
  
"So said the woman who once tried to get her twelve year old daughter to go to her room by leaving a trail of strawberry pop tarts. Why don't you call Sookie?"  
  
"I did, but she's having plans with Jackson tonight."  
  
"So, do you want to go or not?" Lorelai waved the tickets in front of him.  
  
"I don't know – I'm not really a movie kind of guy."  
  
"Oh, come on. It'll be fun. It has Jackie Chan, and he speaks English throughout the entire movie. How could that *not* be fun?"  
  
"Well, if it's Jackie Chan, then count me in," said Luke sarcastically.  
  
"Argh! Do you want to go or not?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you want to go?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you want to go?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What's that? Did you just say you wanted to go?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you want to go?"  
  
"No."  
  
"What if I buy you popcorn?"  
  
"Why don't you just deep-fry my heart in butter, then?"  
  
"Do you want to go?"  
  
"No."  
  
"It has Jackie Chan."  
  
"No."  
  
"Do you want to go?"  
  
"Can you please stop it?" Luke put his hands on the counter.  
  
"Fine." Lorelai turned away from Luke and called out to the stranger she had talked to earlier. "Hey, Strange Man, do you want …"  
  
Luke interrupted her before she could finish her sentence. "If I go, will you stop disturbing the customers?"  
  
"Gee, I don't know. I think Strange Man and I really hit it off just now. Maybe I'll take him."  
  
"Lorelai, I said I'll go with you."  
  
"Nah."  
  
"I'll go."  
  
"Nah, thanks anyway. I think Strange Man is really into Jackie Chan."  
  
"I'm going."  
  
"No."  
  
"I am."  
  
"No."  
  
"I'm going."  
  
"No."  
  
"You know, Lorelai, I do have better things to do today than this," he sighed.  
  
"Okay. See you at nine?"  
  
"Nine. Now will you just drink your coffee?"  
  
Lorelai nodded and took another gulp from her mug. "It's cold."  
  
"Well, maybe it wouldn't be if you had drank it instead of opening your mouth every two seconds."  
  
"Hot coffee, please?" Lorelai pushed her mug forward.  
  
"You know, eventually, it'll kill you," Luke took her mug away and filled it with a fresh, hot coffee from the pot.  
  
"Yeah, yeah."  
  
--- to be continued --- 


	2. Impatient Men and Right Haired Freaks

TWO: IMPATIENT MEN AND RIGHT HAIRED FREAKS  
  
"Mom!" Rory stood at bottom of the stairs and yelled at the top of her lungs. "MOM!"  
  
"Stop SCREAMING!" replied Lorelai in kind. "It's very rude! People will think you were raised in a barn!"  
  
"Luke's here!" Rory continued screaming anyway, oblivious to her mother's instructions.  
  
"You know, you really don't have to yell," Luke said, "I can just wait here until she's ready."  
  
"No, it's okay," said Rory, "We like yelling. Sometimes in the middle of the night we'll stage these elaborate plots and then scream them to each other from across the house. Last month accused her of stealing my eighty year old boyfriend. The neighbors were riled up for weeks. You want me to go check on her?"  
  
"It's fine."  
  
"Sometimes she gets upset because she thinks the hair on the right side of her head is larger in volume than the hair on the left."  
  
"I'm not ready yet!" Lorelai's voice drifted down. "Tell him I'm busy wearing something slutty!"  
  
Rory turned to Luke. "She said she's busy wearing something …"  
  
"I heard her," Luke cut in quickly, turning away, hoping that Rory wouldn't notice that his face was slightly redder than before.  
  
"I'll go up and check on her," said Rory, who, if she did notice, made no indication that she did. "Sometimes she can't get into the leather and needs me to oil her up."  
  
Rory bounded up the stairs.  
  
*   
  
"Luke's downstairs, mom," said Rory as she entered her mother's bedroom. Lorelai was standing in front of her dressing mirror, brushing her hair.  
  
"Do you think my hair looks uneven?" Lorelai asked, turning to Rory.  
  
"Mom, we've been through this a thousand times before. There is an equal amount of hair on the right side of your head as your left."  
  
"Are you sure? Because every time I walk, I feel like my head is tilting over to the right. Look." Lorelai walked towards Rory, tilting her head in an exaggerate manner. "I feel lopsided."  
  
"You're doing that on purpose. Come on, Luke's downstairs and he's waiting. You know how impatient he gets."  
  
"Luke? Impatient? Those are two words I never thought I'd hear in the same sentence. Really, where do you come up with this ridiculous ideas. Soon you'll be telling me that some people actually paid Mariah Carey to act in a movie."  
  
"Ha ha, funny, coming from a right-haired freak."  
  
"I think I need to brush my hair again," said Lorelai, going back to the dressing table. "It'd be very inconvenient if my head tilts to the right, and then the person sitting behind me in the theater will have to tilt his head to the left so he can see the movie, and then the person behind him will be tilting right, and it'll be like this chain reaction. Soon, the heads of all movie goers will be askew. I for one, cannot bear the burden of that responsibility."  
  
"I feel embarrassed for the both of us."   
  
Lorelai decided it was best to ignore her daughter's comment, and started brushing her hair again.  
  
"Mom, if you don't hurry, you're gonna miss the movie," Rory continued, "And it's going to ruin your date."  
  
Lorelai put the brush down and stared at her daughter. "It's not a date."  
  
"Oh, okay, sorry," Rory said, "You're going to ruin your night out. Hurry up, he's still waiting you know."  
  
"What do you mean, date? It's not a date. It's nothing like a date. It's the Anti-Date. It's like, in school, where you play that game where you have to name the opposite of things, and when someone says "cat", you say "dog", so when someone says "date" , I'll say "movie with Luke"!"  
  
"Geez, okay. No need to get defensive." Rory said, "I just said it accidentally, I didn't mean anything by it. And "dog" is not the opposite of "cat". Animals don't have opposites. If you want to ramble, at least ramble logically."  
  
"I wasn't getting defensive," Lorelai shot back, "I was merely telling the truth, a habit I must say is completely lost on your wayward generation."  
  
"Uh-huh. Luke's still downstairs."  
  
"I'm still right-haired. I still need to brush this bit first," said Lorelai, grabbing her brush again.  
  
"Your date's waiting, mom," said Rory, mischievously.  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"Your honey's downstairs."  
  
"I said stop it."  
  
"Your lover-man is a-waiting."  
  
"Stop."  
  
"He's a hunka hunk of burning love, and he's burning for you…"  
  
"Rory…"  
  
"Oh, Luke, I'm so hot for you right now," mocked Rory in a high-pitched voice.  
  
"Demon child."  
  
"You make me feel soooo sexy…"  
  
"Don't make me bend you over and spank you with this hairbrush, Missy, because I've seen several Lifetime movies about poor abused children, so I know how to do it."  
  
"Okay, I've had enough fun," said Rory, slumping down on one of the chairs beside the bed. "Falsetto voice aside, Luke's still waiting downstairs, and I think if he waits any longer he's gonna start fixing something."  
  
"Oh, then try to make him wait a little longer near our stove."  
  
"Why? You don't use it."  
  
"Still doesn't mean I shouldn't have a working stove, right?" Lorelai replied. "What if Martha Stewart is visiting one day and drops by and decides she wants to teach me how to make a delicious stew? If the stove's broken she probably can't do that, and I'll never learn to cook, and you'll never get to the pleasure of tasting home-cooked meals for the rest of your life. That my dear, is a price too high to pay."  
  
"So you want Luke to fix it not because you want to use it, but just in the off-chance that Martha Stewart will drop by our house and give you cooking lessons."  
  
"Uh-huh. Either her or the fat guy on that other cooking show."  
  
"Mom, your hair looks fine now. Can you please go down? I don't want Luke to hate us because you're slow, and you're late, and you're irresponsible, and you have hair that looks like it wants to attack Tokyo."  
  
"AH! I knew my hair looked weird."  
  
"No, mom, I was just kidding. Your hair is fine."  
  
"It looks fine? I'm not right-haired anymore?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Left-haired?"  
  
"Not that either."  
  
"Front-haired?"  
  
"What's front-haired?"  
  
"That's when my fringe becomes more obvious than the rest of my hair."  
  
"No, you're definitely not front-haired, either. As far as I can tell, you're neutral-haired. Your hair is Switzerland hair."  
  
"Ah, it's always good to have Switzerland hair."  
  
"By the way, I told Luke you were wearing leather. Let's see if he's disappointed when he finds out you're wearing jeans and a blue top."  
  
"Shut up."  
  
*  
  
"Finally," said Luke as he saw Lorelai and Rory coming down the stairs. He paused when he saw Lorelai. "What's up with the right side of your head?"   
  
"Argh!" Lorelai pushed Rory gently. "You put him up to this didn't you. That isn't funny."  
  
"I didn't put him up to anything," said Rory, giggling and she came down the stairs and sat on the sofa.   
  
"It was offensive, hurtful, and I don't think I can forgive either of you for the rest of my life."  
  
"Well, if that's the case I'd better be heading home," said Luke. "Have fun at the movie."  
  
"Oh, wait. My life has just ended and now I am reborn. I forgive the two of you." Lorelai said quickly. "Come on, Luke, let's go. We're gonna be late."  
  
"Gee, I wonder why."  
  
"Since your asking – I think if you didn't waste your time making fun of my hair, we would already be there."  
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't know we could reach the theater in two and a half seconds."  
  
"Well, clearly not, the way you drive."  
  
"What's wrong with the way I drive?" Luke demanded.  
  
"Nothing, except for the time you gave me a lift back from the Inn, by the time we reached Stars Hollows, there were mighty oaks where once stood saplings."  
  
"Stop exaggerating. I'm a safe driver."  
  
"What's your idea of safe driving? Letting all the other drivers die of old age so you can have the road all to yourself?"  
  
"Can we just go already?" Luke headed towards the door. "You're making my ears hurt."  
  
"Have fun, you crazy kids," called out Rory.  
  
"You sure you don't want to come with us?" Luke's question seemed more pleading than inquiring.  
  
"I can't. Paris is coming over with all the issues of the Franklin since 1992, so we can compare and contrast it with our issue today."  
  
"She's a strange girl, that Paris," noted Lorelai. "Very odd, very odd."  
  
"Look who's talking," Luke added under his breath.  
  
"Luke, I'm standing right next to you. I heard that."  
  
"I meant for you to hear that."  
  
"Then why did you say it under your breath?"  
  
"Because I'm tired of talking to you and saying things under my breath is less taxing. Are you satisfied?"  
  
"No, that was a crappy answer. Try again."  
  
"Can we go?"  
  
"You didn't say that under your breath. Why? Sudden recovery? Not so *taxing* anymore?"  
  
"Does your mouth ever get tired?"  
  
"Yes, it does, but it hardly ever stops me."  
  
"It's true you know," Rory added. "Once, she was so tired, but she didn't want to give up, so she rested the side of her head on the table and kept on talking anyways. It was a very passionate speech. Mostly incoherent, but passionate nonetheless."  
  
"I want to go," said Luke.   
  
"Okay, but we'll talk more about this as we walk to your truck."  
  
"God." Luke opened the door and let Lorelai leave, before following her. "Night, Rory."  
  
Rory waved at Luke and then picked up a book that was lying on the table. "Have fun you two."  
  
--- to be continued --- 


	3. In The Beginning of Time, Popcorn Was Ki...

THREE: IN THE BEGINNING OF TIME, POPCORN WAS KING  
  
"Step on it."  
  
"I am."  
  
"You're not. That is not stepping. That is not even nudging it gently with your foot. If you looked up Webster's dictionary for the definition of "not stepping", there would be a picture of you … not stepping." Lorelai drummed her fingers on the dashboard. "Let me drive."  
  
"No."  
  
"I'm a competent driver, and I am familiar with most road signs."  
  
"Please just sit there and be quiet."  
  
"Can I at least touch the steering wheel?"  
  
"Why on earth would you want to touch the steering wheel?"  
  
"I don't know, it's better than just sitting here, having my daughter grow old and die without me, as I wait to reach the theater."  
  
"Rory's going to be the exact same age she is when we get back. And she's going to be alive."  
  
"How sure are you? She could have been married with kids by now. What year is it?"  
  
"Quiet."  
  
Lorelai obliged and said nothing. After a couple of minutes, she decided it was against the natural order of things and decided to speak again. "Luke?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Can I give you a little hint? That right pedal, down there? It actually makes the truck go *faster*."  
  
"I know it does."  
  
"Funny, you act like you don't."  
  
"Can we not get into this again?"  
  
"All I'm saying is, a little bit of pressure applied to said pedal would make the journey much faster."  
  
"And all I'm saying is, a little less usage applied to said mouth would make the journey more pleasurable."  
  
"Oh, so you're being funny now, is it?" Lorelai said. "Got an epiphany? Decided you're gonna drive slow *and* make jokes?"  
  
"Look, we're here." Luke pointed to the theater.  
  
"God, Luke, did you know that when you pointed, you only had one hand on the steering wheel? Doesn't that go against the very nature of your driving? I mean, what is driving if both hands are not on the 10 and 2 position? I'm thoroughly disappointed in you. "  
  
"They don't allow talking in the theater, do they?"  
  
"No. But have you ever found me to be bounded by a silly thing like a rule?"  
  
*  
  
"Oh, amazingly, through some miracle, we're not late," said Lorelai looking at her watch as they walked to the theater. "It's like the Gods have smiled on us."  
  
"If you didn't have to brush your hair like six thousand times we would have been here ages ago."  
  
"And do what? Wait like sad losers for the movie to start? You see, I planned this all from the starting. Now we just the right amount of time to get some popcorn."  
  
"I'm not getting any popcorn. It's disgusting, it's filthy, and you don't want to know what it does to your body."  
  
"You can't watch a movie without popcorn," insisted Lorelai. "That's like … blasphemy."  
  
"Yes, I'm sure the two are comparable."  
  
"No, listen to me. It's like going to a baseball game without hotdogs."  
  
"I do that."  
  
"You're a freak," replied Lorelai. "Or it's like going to a rock concert without one of those cigarette lighters you flick on and wave in the air."  
  
"That's a waste of money and ridiculously dangerous."  
  
"It's like going to my mother's place with a positive outlook."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Or like going to a Britney Spears performance without a tube top and a slutty personality."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Or like … what's my point again?"  
  
"You're expecting me to know this?"  
  
"Ah, wait, I've got it. I need popcorn Luke."  
  
"Then go and get some. I'll wait here."  
  
"No, I think you've misinterpreted my statement," said Lorelai. "I need popcorn, Luke."  
  
"Yeah, I heard you. I'll be here."  
  
"I really, really, need popcorn, Luke."  
  
"Go and get it."  
  
"The lines are very long, and I need popcorn."  
  
"Then hurry up before the queue gets longer, or we're going to miss the movie."  
  
"I don't like waiting in line. And I need popcorn," Lorelai insisted.  
  
"Again – it's right there. Go."  
  
"Maybe I need to rephrase it," said Lorelai. "Since the beginning of time, it has always been argued that Man and popcorn have…"  
  
"Stop." Luke cut her off. "I'll get you your damn popcorn."  
  
Lorelai smiled and patted him on the back. "Get me a large one, please. And ask them not to skimp on the butter. The last time I came, it had so little flavor I felt like I was eating something I cooked. I'll be sitting right here."  
  
Luke gave her a look.  
  
"Thank you, Luke," said Lorelai sweetly.  
  
Luke grunted and walked off , mumbling something to himself under his breath.  
  
Lorelai gave herself a quiet "ha-ha", and sat on one of the benches. She looked around her for a few moments, bored and having nobody to talk to. Her eyes rested on a couple walking towards the theater from a distance, and her heart froze.  
  
"What are my parents doing here?!" Her mind silently screamed. She got up quickly and tried to find a place to hide, but in doing so she only exposed herself to them.   
  
"Lorelai!" Emily Gilmore called out to her from the sidewalk. "Over here!"  
  
"Oh, crap."  
  
* 


	4. No More Of That Kung Foolery

****  
Note: I'm dedicating this to all the people who've reviewed this fic at Fanfiction.net ... that's:  
  
firegoddess1014, co copelli, knight_Maria, otownroxx, crazy-dreams, Lana, blondee, ev , likethat, EyEzonly, Jedi Prophetess, Bull, ScoobyGal55, tanub and Nicole!  
  
If I missed your name and you reviewed it, chances are it's because you reviewed it after I wrote this! But that doesn't mean that your review isn't important to me, it really is!   
  
Keep up the reviews, guys :) Thanks a lot for the support  
  
****  
  
FOUR : NO MORE OF THAT KUNG-FOOLERY  
  
Lorelai ducked down behind one of the benches after hearing her mother call out to her. She bent low, hoping that maybe her mother would think she was mistaken and then leave. However, luck was not on her side that night, as the dark shadow of Emily Gilmore fell upon Lorelai's crouching form.  
  
"Lorelai Gilmore," Emily's voice was as sharp as ever, "Don't think I didn't see you just now. Get up. You're making a scene."  
  
"Oh, hello, mother," said Lorelai, getting up and dusting her jeans. "I didn't hear you."  
  
"Yes, and I assume you are just hiding behind the bench because it's the chic thing to do. Really, you would think that once you hit a certain age you would grow out of all these childish antics."  
  
"Yeah, I'm still waiting till I turn eighty," Lorelai brushed off her mother's comments.   
  
"What are you doing here, Lorelai?" Richard asked.  
  
"Are you here to watch a movie?" Emily added.  
  
"Actually, no. A group of Bulgarian refugees have claimed sanctuary in the movie theater and I'm part of a secret elite force dedicated to flushing them out."  
  
"Would it be so difficult for you to answer a question like a normal person?" Emily rebutted sharply.   
  
"No, it wouldn't," answered Lorelai. "Look how simply I answered your question. It was so simple, if I removed any more words I would be speaking in fragments, like that poor transfer kid in Rory's old school who kept missing his English classes because his time table was in English and he didn't know what "room" meant. So there. Completely normal."  
  
"That's what you think."   
  
"You know, now that we're on that topic, why are you here?"  
  
"Your mother and I thought it would be amusing if we went down to the theater and caught a film. It's been ages since we've done anything like that," said Richard.  
  
"Yes, he's had a lot of free time recently," added Emily, smiling. "And also, there's this new film that some of the younger people at the club have been absolutely raving about, and I thought it would be interesting if we actually see what all the fuss is about."  
  
"And what would that be?"  
  
"It's some kind of foreign film, I believe," said Emily, trying to remember. "Richard, what was the name of the movie again?"  
  
"I don't remember, but it has that amusing little Chinese man in it."  
  
"Jackie Chan?" asked Lorelai in disbelief.  
  
"Yes, that's it. Jackie Chan." Richard nodded in agreement.  
  
"The both of you are here to see Jackie Chan?" Lorelai sounded stunned, partly because she was. "Oh, looks like I won't die before hearing that statement, after all. What are the two of you even thinking , watching a Jackie Chan movie? A movie that has no depth, no meaning … just lots of kung-foolery…"  
  
"Lorelai, there's no such word as kung-foolery. Stop making up words," said Emily.  
  
"I know, I just wanted to hear you say it," Lorelai shot back, "Ha."  
  
"Well, there must be some obvious reason that you are so adamant about us not watching this Jackie Chan film," replied Emily.  
  
"It's not a film, mother. A film is something that has people moping around contemplating the meaning of life, and boring the hell out of the rest of us, like 'Magnolia' or 'Freddy Got Fingered'. Jackie Chan has a movie. It has kung-foolery, and lots of whoopah."  
  
"I'm not going to say that word, so don't get your hopes up."  
  
"Darn."  
  
"I'm assuming you're here to watch the same … movie, then?"  
  
"Yes, mother," sighed Lorelai. "Which brings us to the burning question, aren't there any cinemas in Hartford?"  
  
"Oh, there are," Richard said, "Emily and I just thought we'd take a little trip down here for a change. Get a different view."  
  
"Is Rory here? I don't see her," said Emily, looking around for her grand-daughter.  
  
"No, Rory's at home," said Lorelai, "She has some school work to catch up on and she's working on the next issue of the newspaper. She's a very busy girl. I was thinking of hiring her a secretary, but very few people wanted to work for a girl who proofreads her essays six times, and the people that did show up for the interview displayed many suspicious qualities, like eagerness to work and punctuality."  
  
"So, you're here all alone?"  
  
"You ask a very interesting question, mother," said Lorelai, eager to avoid answering said question. "I find its structure to be very intriguing. Tell me, where *did* you learn the rules of grammar?"  
  
"You're not answering my question."  
  
"We'll get to that in time," said Lorelai. "And since we're on that topic, why do you think a question mark is shaped like it is? I think it looks like a little cane."  
  
"Stop avoiding my question, Lorelai."  
  
"Who invited the question mark? Is its cane shape a biblical reference? The mysteries of the English Language will continue to fascinate me till the day I die."  
  
Emily was about to say something, when Luke came up behind her, holding a large bag of popcorn. Not noticing Emily and Richard, he walked past them and handed it over to Lorelai. "Here's your stupid popcorn. I feel my arteries clogging from just touching the bag."  
  
"Luke…" Lorelai tried to tell him.  
  
"It's disgusting, it's unhealthy and I don't know why you insist on eating it. They might as well just perform your bypass right now," Luke continued, "And don't get me started on the lines. You would think those morons would be smart enough to open more counters, if they knew that hundreds of idiots would be lining up for their little bags of heart attacks."  
  
"Luke, guess what?" Lorelai decided to speak fast before he continued his tirade. "My parents are here! Whee!"  
  
"What? Oh," Luke turned around and looked at Emily and Richard. "Hi… there."  
  
"Yes, we were just talking to Lorelai," Emily said, her face having an expression that Lorelai knew spelt danger. "about what a coincidence it is that we should bump into her here. And it must be a very strange night for Lorelai … imagine meeting us and you at the same time."  
  
"Luke and I came together, mom," said Lorelai.  
  
"Oh, then not so strange after all," Emily said, rolling her eyes.   
  
"Mom," Lorelai started.  
  
"Well, we'll leave you two alone, then," said Emily, holding on to Richard's arm, nudging him to. She turned to Luke. "It was very nice to see you, Luke. Again. Lorelai, I'll see you on Friday." Richard nodded at the two of them and then followed Emily into the theater.  
  
"Gosh," said Lorelai. "I feel like a witch in Salem, only without the pleasant release of a fiery death at stake."  
  
"What was that about?" asked Luke innocently.   
  
"Ugh, who knows what's turning in the twisted mind that is Emily Gilmore's," said Lorelai, despite knowing full well what her mother was hinting about. "It's like one of those Peruvian death mazes, where one false step leads you plummeting twenty feet into a bed of spikes."  
  
"I've never heard of Peruvian death mazes in my entire life."  
  
"Well right now, they look like a pleasant alternative." Lorelai dug into her popcorn, and talking between bites.   
  
"You really don't seem to enjoy talking to your mom."  
  
"She's so negative all the time, I think that's where I get my jaded outlook and razor sharp cynicism," Lorelai stopped to look at a movie poster on the wall. "Ooh, this movie has puppies in it!"  
  
"Yeah, I'm putting that one on my must-see list," said Luke dryly.  
  
Lorelai held out her bag of popcorn to Luke. "You want some?"  
  
"Thank you, but I love my heart and arteries."  
  
"Try some, it really doesn't even have that much butter in it," said Lorelai. "It's almost butter-less, so it's gotta be healthy. It could disguise itself as broccoli."  
  
"Must be one disgusting looking piece of broccoli."  
  
"So it'll fit right in with the rest of the broccoli. You know, you're missing out on a lot if you don't want to have anything to do with things that are bad for you," said Lorelai, "I take it you're not into kinky bondage sex either, then."  
  
"Lorelai!"  
  
"What?" Lorelai asked, eating more popcorn. "Sometimes it feels good to be bad. Mm."  
  
"I'm not having this conversation with you," said Luke, walking forward.  
  
Lorelai chased after him, carrying on her conversation anyway. "Are you sure? I'm sure Miss Patty could hook you up with a nice young thing who could tie you up and spank your naughty behind."  
  
"Stop saying things like that in public."  
  
"I bet you want to be a bad boy, you want to be disciplined, you want to be punished, don't you."  
  
"Lorelai, people are looking at us."  
  
"You like that? You like people watching? Oh yeah, you like that, don't you? You naughty boy!"  
  
"Leave me alone."  
  
"Don't make bring out the paddle, Lukey."  
  
"Stop it."  
  
"Grrr, make me stop, you bad boy, you!" Lorelai made some whipping noises, aided by her left hand making whipping movements.  
  
"That's not funny, and you're that old woman in the corner looks like she's going to smack us."  
  
"Oh, so she knows what you're into."  
  
"Quit it."  
  
"Go over there, Luke , let grandma teach you some manners, yeah."  
  
"You're disgusting."  
  
"That's the whole point."  
  
"Can we please just go into the theater? I don't like the way people are looking at us."  
  
"Geez," said Lorelai. "Coward. You care way too much about what people think. All right, let's go."  
  
-- to be continued -- 


	5. I Never Liked Long Distance Running, Any...

FIVE: I NEVER LIKED LONG DISTANCE RUNNING, ANYWAY  
  
"Move, move!" Lorelai pushed Luke through the crowd. "Faster, I say, faster."  
  
"Ow! Hey! Sorry!" Luke protested as he knocked into a man standing by the door. He had barely gotten his apology out when Lorelai sent him tumbling towards a woman with two kids. He caught his balance in time and managed to avoid a collision. He stopped and turned around. "Okay, stop that."  
  
"Stop what?" Lorelai asked, at the same time trying to push him forward, but failing miserably due to the fact that Luke was much bigger and insisted on staying put.  
  
"Stop pushing me through all those people. I think that woman we trampled on earlier agrees with me."  
  
"Ugh, we so did not trample on her," insisted Lorelai. "Sure, there was a tussle, a fall, and the soft gentle sound of a woman screaming in pain as my left heel pierced through her thigh, but really, stop exaggerating."  
  
"Why are you such in a hurry to leave anyway?"  
  
"Lorelai!" The immediately recognizable voice of Emily Gilmore came from behind the crowd leaving the theater.  
  
"Suddenly, I understand why those poor Japanese men always looked so frightened when Godzilla comes to town," Lorelai says as she tries to push Luke forward. "Come on, if we sprint, we can beat her. She may triumph in the arena of dining etiquette, but long-distance is definitely one of her shortcomings."  
  
"Lorelai, I'm not running from your mother."  
  
Emily Gilmore came up to the two of them, dusting her clothes as if she had just come in from a desert storm. "My God, I'll have to burn these clothes when I get home."  
  
"Can I join them?" asked Lorelai.  
  
"Lorelai, don't be rude," said Emily.   
  
"Where's dad, mom?" Lorelai looked out for the one person that could distract Emily from her.  
  
"Your father's visiting the restroom. I tried to persuade him not to, those places are filthy. If he wanted to be that unhygienic, I would have just brought him to a public swimming pool."  
  
"Ah, my father, the public restroom scoundrel."  
  
"That's very interesting, Lorelai," Emily decided to turn her attention to Luke. "Hello, Luke. I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to talk earlier, but Lorelai was giving me a headache."  
  
"Oh!" Lorelai gasped.  
  
"It's okay, it happens to me too," said Luke.  
  
"Traitorous snake," hissed Lorelai. She pointed to a man standing behind Emily. "Mom, look, dad's there."  
  
Emily turned around, and Lorelai tried to push Luke forward again, failing once more. "Quick, here's our chance."  
  
"Lorelai, that's not your father," said Emily, turning to face Lorelai and Luke again. "That looks more like a thirty year old black man."  
  
"From a distance, he looked like Dad," Lorelai sighed.  
  
"He's standing three feet from us," said Emily, motioning to the black man standing behind her. He looked at her, and she glared back at him. "What are you looking at?"  
  
The man said nothing and decided that standing further down the street suddenly seemed like a more pleasant alternative.  
  
"Did you two enjoy the movie?" asked Emily, refocusing her attention on the two people standing in front of them. "And while we're on that, Lorelai, I must comment that it's not proper manners to talk when other people are trying to pay attention to what's happening on the screen."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I'm sure we all found it amazing that a small Chinese man could do all the things he does, but I really think it was unnecessary for you to state it out loud every time something interesting happens."  
  
"He fought off six gun wielding henchmen while suspended upside down from a tight-rope eight feet off the ground. That alone, is worthy of three 'golly's ! You're lucky I only said it once."  
  
"Well, if you want to consider that lucky. Now, if you don't mind," Emily turned to Luke. "I would actually like to have a decent conversation with someone capable of carrying out one."  
  
"Larry King's here?" asked Lorelai, looking around.  
  
"Lorelai, please, my ears hurt," Emily said. "Tell me, Luke…"  
  
"Luke?" Lorelai repeated incredulously. "You were talking about Luke?"  
  
"I believe she was," added Luke.  
  
"Luke? The man standing here? Right next to me? This Luke?" Lorelai said, "All right mom, I really think you should stop visiting that crack house on the corner of Sixth and Eighth."  
  
"And what is wrong with me talking to Luke?" Emily asked.  
  
"Nothing, mother, unless you understand grunt."  
  
"Hey!" protested Luke. "I'm standing right here."  
  
"Yes, you are, and Lorelai is very rude to say what she said," Emily stated, "She's the type of girl people see and then blame the mother. You have no idea how hard it is to be me."  
  
"I'm *also* standing right here," said Lorelai.  
  
"I know," said Emily, "I can tell from the constant high-pitched noise ringing in my ears."  
  
"Well, as a representative of the kettle, I find the pot's remarks to be highly insulting and totally uncalled for," said Lorelai.  
  
Emily answered, but Richard walked up to them before she could say anything. Lorelai quietly thanked God, and nodded at her father.  
  
"Are we ready to go, Emily?" Richard asked.  
  
"I was just talking to Lorelai and her friend here," said Emily. "Or at least I was trying to."  
  
"I give you an A for effort," said Lorelai. "However, you really need to work on your delivery."  
  
"Actually," said Emily, "Richard and I were thinking of getting something to eat. It's a little late, but would you like to join us, Luke?"  
  
"Well…" Luke looked at Lorelai and tried to gauge what would be the appropriate response. Her eyes said it all. "Erm, actually, I gonna have a long day tomorrow, so I think I'm going to call it a night. Thank you for the invitation anyway."  
  
"All right then," Emily nodded as she and Richard turned to go. "I'll see you some other time than. Good night."  
  
She and Richard walked away, leaving Luke at the hands of Lorelai.  
  
"Ugh, can you believe that woman?" Lorelai fumed. "I just wanted to kick her in the head, and since these are new heels, you can understand how difficult it is for me to say something like that."  
  
"She was just trying to have a conversation with you."  
  
"Yeah, well, clearly she has never heard of this quote from a little book I like to call the *Bible*, which says, if you have nothing good to say, don't say nothing at all."  
  
"That was Bambi."  
  
"Bambi said that?"  
  
"No, it was one of the rabbits."  
  
"Yeah, well, whatever," said Lorelai. "And what's up with that whole inviting you to supper thing? Hello, I was right there, and I don't recall getting an invitation. I feel like David Schwimmer at the Emmy's."  
  
"She was just being nice," Luke replied, "And I'm sure the you were impliedly invited."  
  
"Impliedly invited?" Lorelai repeated, "Who impliedly invites people to supper? What, you just go around saying "You are impliedly invited to supper"?"  
  
"No, if you say that, the invitation is no longer implied."  
  
"Gah," said Lorelai. "So, what was it like to feel the love of Emily Gilmore? I am told it is an life-changing experience."  
  
"She doesn't love me.'  
  
"What? Come on, you were like Golden Boy just now," said Lorelai. "You're Ryan Adams to her Elton John, it's almost disgusting."  
  
"Again, she was just being nice."  
  
"That woman couldn't be nice to me if I were Mother Theresa," said Lorelai. "Lorelai dear, your wimple's wrinkled, and don't you think you could do much better than Calcutta?  
  
"Can we go back now?"  
  
"Ah, so the long journey home begins," said Lorelai as she and Luke began walking to his truck. "You know, what? I challenge you drive 5 miles an hour faster. Oh, what the hell, go crazy – hit twenty."  
  
"Get in the truck."  
  
"So, right, back to my mother," said Lorelai as she hopped into the passenger seat of the truck. Luke started the engine. "You know who I feel like? I feel like Natalie Portman in "Anywhere But Here", although I think I look younger and am much prettier."  
  
"Of course you are," Luke replied monotonously.  
  
"Speaking of Natalie Portman, what's the deal with her Queen Amidala make-up? I was like , 'whoa, girl, you've *totally* misunderstood the concept of foundation', you get what I mean?"  
  
"Hardly, if ever."  
  
"I mean, it's like, hello, the Victorian Era is on the phone and they want their entire supply of face powder back, thank you."  
  
"You amaze me, you know that?"  
  
"As you do me," said Lorelai, "Hey, look, that cyclist just sped past us, like a blur. He's like a blurry, spandex wearing, bicycle riding blur. Ooh, careful, that sweet girl and her wheelchair bound grandfather are edging in on us."  
  
Luke sighed. "If I go faster, will you stop getting on my case?"  
  
"You can go faster? Than this? Why? I mean, we're already traveling at the speed of light."  
  
Luke stepped on the accelerator and the truck sped up. "You happy now?"  
  
"As happy as one can be in a truck," Lorelai said, "Oy, that brings back memories."  
  
"And we're back to disgusting."  
  
"Hah," said Lorelai, "You're just miffed I got you to bend your little slow-drive-to-hell rule. So this is what it's like to use my feminine wiles to get my way. I've always wanted to try it. The result is strangely comforting."  
  
"You didn't make me do anything," he insisted, "It just so happened that I wanted to drive a little faster anyways."  
  
"If you overtake that Porsche," says Lorelai, pointing at the white car speeding ahead of them. "I'll let you look down my top."  
  
"Are you crazy? That guy's probably hitting hundred."  
  
"Okay, okay," said Lorelai, "I'll flash you, but only for a couple of seconds."  
  
Luke sighed.  
  
* * to be continued * * 


	6. Oh, It's So Much Bigger Than A Breadbox

SIX: Oh, It's So Much Bigger Than A Breadbox  
  
"I liked how he did that thing with his hands at the end," said Lorelai as she got down from the truck. "He had that "Yah-I'm-So-Gonna-Pound-Your-Sorry-White-Ass look. He should patent that."  
  
"Well, he'd better hurry, or not someone's going to beat him to it," said Luke sarcastically.  
  
"Hey, don't mock the Jackie," said Lorelai. "If it weren't for him, we'd only have Chow Yun Fatt. By the way … Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon? What Tiger? What Dragon? What are they talking about? Why would they have a title that would mislead you like that? At least for Not Another Teen Movie, I knew what I was getting into."  
  
There was a short pause before Luke answered. "I don't know how to respond to that one."  
  
"Well, that's okay," said Lorelai, "If you notice, I don't really need a response. I can just keep going."  
  
"Yeah, I've noticed."  
  
Lorelai walked up the steps to her porch, Luke right behind her. She peered into the window by the door, noticing that the lights are still on. "Gosh, is Paris still going at it? Poor Rory."  
  
"You wanna go in and put a stop to it?"  
  
"Nah, not right now," said Lorelai as she walked away from the door and leaned against the porch rail. "To tell you the truth, Paris scares me. And I'm not talking scared like 'ah, lizard!' but more like 'so the Book of Revelations *is* true!'."  
  
"So, what, you just want to hang out here until Paris goes away?"  
  
"Yeah, either that or until Rory breaks and lays some smack down on that Chilton broad."  
  
"That's nice to hear."  
  
"Don't underestimate Rory. She has that whole 'floats like a butterfly, stings like a bee' thing going on."  
  
"I'm sure she does."  
  
The two of them stayed in a comfortable silence for a couple of minutes, Lorelai looking out at Stars Hollow, and Luke looking at his feet, shuffling it like a nervous schoolboy.  
  
"Hey, Luke?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thanks for coming with me tonight for this," said Lorelai. "I think I really needed it."  
  
"You're the first person I know who actually needs to see Jackie Chan," he said, "Or at least the first person to admit it."  
  
"No, not just the Jackie," said Lorelai. "This whole thing. It's nice to get out once in a while, especially with someone other than Rory. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love that kid to death, but she really needs to cut those apron strings."  
  
"Didn't you say you wished they would get around to inventing some form of surgery which could fuse you and Rory at the hip so she would never have to leave you?"  
  
"Yeah, well, clearly, the Health Ministry has been ignoring my petitions," said Lorelai. "What I meant it was just nice to go somewhere, you know, just be with a friend. And it's nice to see you without a cap for once."  
  
Luke ran his hand through his hair. "I still feel naked without it."  
  
"This whole standing on a porch after a movie bit." Lorelai looked at him. "You know what this reminds me of?"  
  
"A time when you once stood on a porch after a movie?"  
  
"No," said Lorelai, "Although the experience is vaguely similar. It kinda reminds me of those old movies where the guy and the girl come back from a date, and they just stay on the porch because they are both afraid of the girl's shotgun-toting father."  
  
"This reminds you of that?" Luke swallowed, trying not to think about the connection between what they did and 'a date'.  
  
"Yeah, if Rory knew how to handle a shotgun, we could recreate that scene," said Lorelai. "Unfortunately for us, Rory can't shoot for nuts. I remember yelling at her 'How are you going to defend yourself if you can't even handle a simple shotgun?!' , and she just sat there crying and crying for hours. Eight year olds can be such babies."  
  
"I'd just like you to know that it has actually reached a point where I can no longer tell when you're joking."  
  
"Heh," said Lorelai. "So, Luke… you ever been afraid of shotgun-toting fathers?"  
  
"Well, I've never had the opportunity to meet one," he said, "So I can't really tell."  
  
"What? You've never dated a redneck's daughter? Never had your eye on the lovely lass of a manic depressive lumberjack?"  
  
"Not to my knowledge."  
  
"I must say, my deepest sympathies to daughters of lumberjacks all over the world," said Lorelai, turning back to look at the sky. "They missed a really good catch."  
  
"Thank you," said Luke. "I think."  
  
Luke turned and put his hands on the porch railing, standing close to Lorelai. He looked out with her. Neither of them said a word. It was one of those moments where neither of them knew what to say next.  
  
"Lorelai?"  
  
"Yeah?" She turned to look at him.  
  
"You think that, maybe …" He swallowed again, this time, hard, as he struggled to find the words. "Maybe, some day, you know, you might, you know, want to …"  
  
He didn't say anything for the next several seconds, which caused Lorelai to prompt him. "Want to what?"  
  
"Well, maybe …"  
  
"Maybe?"  
  
"Maybe…you know, you might…" He stopped short again, unable to get the words out.  
  
"Luke, you're not making any sense," said Lorelai. "Is it bigger than a breadbox?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I don't know," she said, "I figured we're playing Twenty Questions or something, because you're definitely not telling me anything."  
  
"It's … ah, nothing," Luke said, and resumed looking at his feet again. He was embarrassed, and highly irritated with himself. "Forget about it."  
  
"Hey, don't do that," said Lorelai. "You know that whenever somebody tells me to forget about it, I'll do anything but forget about it. In fact, I make it the sun upon which my earth revolves around."  
  
"It's nothing important."  
  
"Is it something you want to talk about?" asked Lorelai. "Because you know, while it may seem that I'm only capable of talking, I'm also quite adept at listening as well."  
  
Luke turned to her and leaned against the porch rail. He took a deep breath. "It's just… you ever had one of those moments where you want to say something, but you just can't … it's not that you don't want to, but the words just don't … oh , wait, I forgot who I was talking to."  
  
"That was unnecessary," said Lorelai, "And I'll have you know that there have been numerous occasions where I can't say what's really on my mind, although most of these scenarios involve me being sick."  
  
Luke sighed. "It's okay. We don't have to talk about this tonight."  
  
"Luke, if something's bothering you…"  
  
"Nothing's bothering me."  
  
"Something's bothering you."  
  
"I'm telling you it's nothing."  
  
"No, it's not."  
  
"It is."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"No." Lorelai sighed. "I think this could take awhile. Luke, you know that you can tell me anything."  
  
"I don't think I can tell you this."  
  
"Maybe you could mime it out."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You know what they say," said Lorelai. "Actions speak louder than words. My mother once told me that they probably made that up after listening to me."  
  
"Not a dubious theory."  
  
"Luke."  
  
"So, you think that it would help if I showed you, instead of telling you?"  
  
"Maybe," said Lorelai. "Of course, since I clearly don't know anything, this might be the wrong approach. Who knows?"  
  
Luke paused and looked into Lorelai's eyes. God, they were so beautiful, he thought. Lorelai didn't say anything, but as she was waiting for his answer, she noticed that he was staring at her. Maybe all that popcorn she had was making her hallucinate, but it seemed that his eyes were a little more … intense than usual.  
  
He leaned forward, inching his face towards hers, the silence of the night making the tension even thicker. Their lips were just a few inches apart, and when it looked like he was finally going to do what he has always wanted to do … he jerked away and turned around.  
  
"I have to go."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I … I have to check on Jess," said Luke, "He may have burnt down the diner while I was gone. You never know what's up with that kid."  
  
"Luke."  
  
"Night Lorelai," he said as he nearly ran down the steps, "I'll see you tomorrow."  
  
Lorelai stared dumbfoundedly at Luke's retreating form, as he got into his truck and started it. She tried to sort out her thoughts, trying to figure out if she was reading too much into it, or if she honestly believed that something was going to happen.  
  
Strangely enough (and as hard as she tried to deny it), Lorelai couldn't help but feel that she felt somewhat disappointed that nothing did.  
  
  
  
* to be continued *   
[I know, the last part was a little serious, but it had to happen somewhere in this fic :) ] 


	7. Richard Clayderman and the Mole Man

SEVEN : RICHARD CLAYDERMAN AND THE MOLE MAN  
  
Lorelai opened the door, finding Rory and Paris peering over what seemed to be a huge pile of newspapers scattered all over the living room.  
  
"No, you're mistaking the June 1994 Franklin for the November 1996 Franklin," said Paris, as she snatched one newspaper from Rory's hand and handed her another. "It's easy to make that mistake, because most people would not notice that the November issue's margin was one sixth of an inch wider than June's."  
  
"I highly doubt that the width of the margin had a great impact on the quality of the newspaper," sighed Rory.  
  
"Maybe not," said Paris, "But it does raise the often asked issue of layout, layout, layout."  
  
"It's not often asked. It's not asked at all. If there was a list of frequently asked questions about our newspaper, it would not be on said list, because, hey, it's not frequently asked, and most of the space would be used up for more important queries like 'Why Is Paris Nuts?'."  
  
"This is a serious …"  
  
"I'm back," said Lorelai suddenly.  
  
"Mom," Rory got up to greet her mom. "How was your night?"  
  
"It was okay," Lorelai replied, going into the kitchen. "You kids sure are up late for a school night."  
  
Rory was about to follow her mother into the kitchen when Paris stopped her. "Where do you think you're going?"  
  
"I'm going to talk to my mom."  
  
"We aren't done yet," insisted Paris, "We still have September 1998 onwards to go through."  
  
"Paris, you've been here for two and a half hours. I'm tired, and I'm bored, and I want to talk to my mother."  
  
"All right," said Paris, glancing at her watch. "I'll give you a five minute break. When you come back we'll talk about the discrepancies in the font sizes from August 1997 to May 1998."  
  
"Oh, don't you dare start without me!" Rory said with feigned enthusiasm, rolling her eyes as she turned around and marched into the kitchen.  
  
"Hey, kid," Lorelai was sitting at the kitchen table. "I see Paris has been bathing in bong water again."  
  
"Ugh," Rory slumped into the chair opposite from her mother. "This isn't even the tip of the iceberg. It's not even the tip of the tip. Paris – the massive submerged iceberg which nobody sees until they crash into her and drown in the murky waters of the unforgiving ocean. How was the movie?"  
  
"It was fine. We laughed, we cried, I said Jackie Chan was reminiscent of a younger Clark Gable, and Luke pointed out that Clark Gable would never jump three feet in the air and drop kick three professionally trained hit men, and then I said Clark Gable would if he could, and from there on our conversation just went downhill."  
  
"So, good night huh?"  
  
"It was okay."  
  
"You said that already."  
  
"I did?" Lorelai paused. "Well, this is a first. I normally don't repeat myself. Because, you know, I normally don't repeat myself. Ha… get it?"  
  
"Your sophisticated brand of humor is lost on me."  
  
"If you think that's funny… guess who I saw at the theater. I'll give you a clue. Death, destruction, mayhem, torture and despair."  
  
"Cher?"  
  
"No."  
  
"Shannen Doherty?"  
  
"Sweetie, I went to the theater, not rehab," said Lorelai. "I saw Grandpa and Grandma."  
  
"Grandpa and Grandma were at the theater?"  
  
"No, I saw them in a vision, floating around like angels without wings."  
  
"Geez, you don't have to be sarcastic about it," said Rory. "What were they doing there?"  
  
"Get this. They were actually going to watch the same movie."  
  
"I don't believe you. Stop lying."  
  
"No, I'm not lying, and I got Grandma to say 'kung foolery'."  
  
"You did not."  
  
"I did too. She nearly said 'whoopah', too, but I had a feeling that was asking for too much."  
  
"I'll take your word for it," said Rory. "So, what were you and Luke talking about just now?"  
  
"What?" Lorelai suddenly became defensive.  
  
"I heard your truck pull up on the driveway while Paris was yammering about the paper," said Rory, "But you guys seemed to be out there for a bit."  
  
"Oh, we just didn't want to interrupt, you girls," said Lorelai, "Cause, you know, you'd be talking about make-up and boys, and you know how shy Luke gets about make-up and boys."  
  
"Very funny. I just …"  
  
"It's getting late," Lorelai got up before Rory could finish her sentence. "Don't you think Paris should be getting back before her parents start getting excited and look for a normal kid to raise?"  
  
"Paris," said Rory with a forlorn sigh, "Is spending the night. I've been asking her to go home repeatedly for the past hour, but she wouldn't budge."  
  
"I hope you didn't hurt her feelings."   
  
"I told her she was a crazy nutjob and to get the hell out of my house."  
  
"Oh," said Lorelai. "As long as you weren't rude."  
  
"She brought along her Chilton uniform, as well as her PJ's; she has an extra set of each stored in her car just for emergencies like this. I would find it amusing if it weren't so terrifying that she's spending the night in our house."  
  
"That's so cute. It's like your little slumber party."  
  
"More like Slumber Party Massacre, if she doesn't quit soon."  
  
"Where's she sleeping?"  
  
"The guest room."  
  
"We have a guest room?" Lorelai asked, surprised.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Where is it?"  
  
"It's that little room at the end of the hall. The one you're afraid to enter."  
  
"If I enter, that means I know the room exists," said Lorelai, "And if I know the room exists, it means I will have to clean it. Some things are better left undisturbed. Tell Paris to make herself at home. I'm going to bed."  
  
*  
  
The digital clock by Rory's bed showed that it was 2.17 AM.  
  
The door creaked open slightly as Lorelai crept in. She climbed into Rory's bed and went under the covers with her. "Hey, Rory."  
  
Her daughter gave a pitiful moan and sat upright, rubbing her eyes. She looked at the clock. "It's two o'clock in the morning. Why are you here?"  
  
"I had a weird dream," said Lorelai, grabbing one of the pillows and hugging it tight. "I want to talk about it."  
  
"Then get a psychiatrist," said Rory, turning away. "I'll pay for it."  
  
"It's really important."  
  
"Like the time you dreamt Barney stole your curtains and sold it Kenny G?"  
  
"Ugh, don't remind me," Lorelai shivered, "Freaky, disgusting, dinosaur. And that Barney isn't all that great either."  
  
"What is it this time?" Rory asked, reluctantly, turning to face her mother.  
  
"Okay," Lorelai said, "I'm in this beautiful field, with knee-high grass, and the wind is blowing gently and I'm wearing this beautiful white gown. And in the middle of the field is, get this, Richard Clayderman, and he's playing a golden piano."  
  
"Richard Clayderman."  
  
"Yes, Richard Clayderman. And if you think that that's freaky, the weirdest part of my dream comes next. I say to this Richard Clayderman, 'Hey, Richard Clayderman, aren't you dead yet?', and then tells me, in a really creepy voice, that all pianos are magical, and that they bestow their users with the gift of immortality."  
  
"I guess we'll be hearing a lot more from Tori Amos in the years to come, then."  
  
"Ah, good. It's always nice to have someone weirder than me on the planet," Lorelai sighed. "And then I think to myself, I have to cut off his head, because that's the only way you can kill an immortal. I saw this on Highlander, so it has to be true."  
  
"So you decapitated Richard Clayderman in your dream. That's perfectly normal. Can I go back to sleep now?"  
  
"I'm not finished," said Lorelai. "But I hear this sound, and I turn around, and it's Enrique Iglesias, and he has three heads, but you see, only one is real."  
  
"Between a three headed Latin pop singer and Richard Clayderman playing a golden piano, you chose Richard Clayderman as being the weirdest part of your dream?"  
  
"Yeah, well… it's Richard Clayderman," said Lorelai. "Anyways, one of the Enrique Heads tells me, I have to guess which one is real, and if I don't, his brother Julio will be more famous than him."  
  
"Tragedy."  
  
"Indeed," said Lorelai, "So, I, naturally, chose the most logical way to figure out which head is real, which is , of course, pinching the mole on each one. But you see, each time I pinch a mole it plays a medley of 'Hero', 'Don't Turn Out The Lights', and 'She Bangs'."  
  
"Ricky Martin sang 'She Bangs', not Enrique."  
  
"I know… like things aren't complex enough as they are. Anyways, only one mole is real, and that's the real head, right, and when I pick that, the other two false heads deflate, like a boob job gone wrong, and so I've saved the day. So, what do you have to say about this?"  
  
"I hate you , you've wasted three minutes of my life."  
  
"I think that in my dream, Richard Clayderman is the embodiment of my childhood fears of rejection, and the golden piano is all the things I've wanted but could never have."  
  
"I think he's the embodiment of your insanity, and the golden piano is what I want to drop on your head. Go back to bed."  
  
"I can't sleep," said Lorelai, "That Richard Clayderman dream is going to put me off sleeping for a long, long while."  
  
"So, let me get this straight," said Rory, "You woke me up at 2.17 in the morning, just to tell me that you had a dream about an annoying pianist and the mole man of the pop industry."  
  
"Yeah, that, and to ask you to remind me to buy some more orange juice tomorrow, we're all out. And also, I think Luke almost kissed me tonight," Lorelai got up, "But I see it's a school night and you need to get your sleep, so I'll leave you alone now. "  
  
Rory's hand shot up and grabbed her mother's arm, pulling her back to the bed. "What? We have to talk about this!"  
  
"Oh, sweetie, I know it's hard now," said Lorelai, "But we can get some more juice tomorrow. First thing in the morning."  
  
"I didn't mean that. I meant about Luke."  
  
"Luke has orange juice?"  
  
"No," said Rory. "Kiss."  
  
"KISS has orange juice? You would think that after they disbanded they wouldn't care about this sort of thing anymore."  
  
"Mom, stop avoiding the question. You brought this up, so clearly you want to talk about it, and if you don't want to talk about it to me, I can wake up Paris."  
  
"Fine," said Lorelai, "You know, what, the more I think about it, the more I think I'm wrong. I'm wrong right? I think I'm wrong. I mean, I'm hardly ever wrong, except for the times when I think I'm wrong, but you know, turns out I'm wrong about that, so I'm actually right. But this time, maybe I'm wrong."  
  
"What happened?"  
  
"I don't know, we were just standing on the porch, talking about Luke and lumberjacks, and how you couldn't fire a shotgun …"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Don't ask," said Lorelai, "And then Luke starts to tell me something, but stops, and then starts again, and then stops, it was like reading a telegram. Or is it telegraph? Which is the one which goes 'Come home. Stop. Mom stuck under  
carriage. Stop.'?"  
  
"I don't care. What did he tell you?"  
  
"Argh...I don't know. He wouldn't say, but when I suggest he act it out, he just looks at me weirdly, leans in, like something's going to happen, and then he just says goodnight and goes home. What's that about?"  
  
"Well, looks to me like he wanted to kiss you," said Rory, after much thinking, "But then didn't have the courage to go through with it."  
  
"Oh, what do you know."  
  
"You asked me what it was about, and I gave you my opinion."  
  
"Yeah, well, I take it back," said Lorelai, "I don't want your opinion, which renders your previous sentence null and void."  
  
"You can't null my opinion," said Rory, "It's what I think, and you yourself said you thought something was going on between you guys."  
  
"I did not."  
  
"You did."  
  
"I said, 'I think Luke tried to kiss me', that is so totally not the same as 'something is going on'. You know, if you're going to just twist all my words like that, I don't think you should quote me ever again."  
  
"Fine," said Rory, "Here's my question . Did you want something to happen?"  
  
"Rory, don't go there."  
  
"What? All I'm saying is that, he's a man, you're a woman, the two of you have the whole town up in the air with your Ross-Rachel will-they-won't-they antics, and I'm just asking you a simple question."  
  
"He's just a friend."  
  
"I applaud the manner in which you conveniently did not answer my question."  
  
"I wasn't finished," said Lorelai indignantly, "And what I want is irrelevant. What's really at hand here, is that Luke probably leaned in to check his own reflection in my eye, and I've misconstrued it as something else. Yes, that is a believable explanation, and I am sticking to it."  
  
"Great. So, are we still allowed to go to Luke's, or do we have to start avoiding him again? I'm not going back to Al's Pancake World again, unless it's to pin up a 'condemned' notice on his front door."  
  
"No, we are not going to avoid Luke," said Lorelai, "Why would you assume something like that?"  
  
"Because whenever something weird happens between the two of you," said Rory, "You and I are left walking eight hundred blocks to find coffee."  
  
"I've told you, like three million times already, Rory, stop exaggerating," said Lorelai, "And if you think that Luke and I can't handle this like adults, then you're wrong. Tomorrow, we're going to Luke's like normal, and then we're going to discuss it like adults, where I will discover that he was indeed checking out his own reflection, and that nothing weird is going on. Are you satisfied?"  
  
"Hey, it's your life."  
  
"Yeah, yeah," said Lorelai, as she leaned back in bed and sighed. "Richard Clayderman was way easier to understand."  
  
* to be continued * 


	8. Grunt Three Times and Growl

EIGHT: GRUNT THREE TIMES AND GROWL  
  
"How come Paris couldn't join us?" Lorelai asked, as she and Rory walked to Luke's that morning. "When I woke up, she was already gone. It's like she's one of those little fairies that you can only see at night."  
  
"Oh, believe me, she's perfectly visible in the day," said Rory, "And if you see her like I do, you wouldn't even compare her to a fairy. Anyways, she wants to be at Chilton early so she can check if the new shipment of books have arrived at the library. She needs to do her pre-reading on today's classes."  
  
"Scary."  
  
"I know, that's what I thought," said Rory, "Because everybody knows you should always do your pre-reading at least two days earlier."  
  
"I should put you in a cage and sell you to a freak show."  
  
"Yeah, yeah." Rory pushed open the door to the diner and entered.  
  
Lorelai followed, pausing for a moment to stare longingly at the muffins at that were on display on the counter. "Mmm, muffins."  
  
"Wipe your drool," said Rory as she found them an empty table. "It's embarrassing."  
  
"Well, I know what I'm having for breakfast," Lorelai said, "About three thousand muffins. What do you want?"  
  
"Would pancakes be too much?"  
  
"You always have pancakes, you need to have some variety. You can't have the same thing every day," said Lorelai. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to get my coffee."  
  
Lorelai walked over to the counter where Luke was. "Hi. Coffee."  
  
Luke nodded and poured some into a mug for her. Lorelai drummed her fingers noisily on the counter, waiting to see if he was going to mention something about the other night. He didn't.  
  
"So, you had to leave early last night," said Lorelai.  
  
"Oh, yeah," Luke replied, "Sorry about that. It's just that Jess was home alone, and you know… Sorry. I had a nice time, though, thanks."  
  
Lorelai couldn't help but be a little bit annoyed. Sure, she spent the whole night trying to convince herself that nothing was going on, but it wouldn't hurt if he at least tried to prove her wrong.  
  
Lorelai stared at him from the corner of her eye, pretending to be more interested in her coffee. She raised the mug to her lips, but for some reason the mug tipped forward and nearly spilt its contents on the counter. Lorelai managed to correct this in time, and gripped the mug firmly with two hands, preventing any coffee from spilling out. "Phew."  
  
"What happened?" asked Luke, who had his back turned while it happened.  
  
"Nothing," said Lorelai, "I just almost dropped my coffee. Almost. Nearly. I nearly dropped my coffee."  
  
"Well, luckily you didn't."  
  
"No, I didn't , but I *nearly* did," said Lorelai, leaning towards him. "Sure, nothing actually *happened*, physically, but that doesn't mean we can't talk about it. Or mention it. Or bring it up."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"Sure, I mean, just because something *nearly* happened, we can't ignore it right?" Lorelai continued. "Because if we did that for everything, there would be no such thing as 'attempted murder'."  
  
"What are you talking about?"  
  
"Nothing, I'm not talking about anything," said Lorelai, "Except, you know, maybe, since I *nearly* dropped my coffee, I shouldn't pretend that it didn't happened, and act like everything's normal. I mean, maybe I like everything normal, and I like my coffee not dropped, and I'm happy, but that doesn't mean that I can ignore the fact that I *nearly* dropped my coffee and pretend that I never nearly dropped my coffee in the first place, because that's rude, that's irresponsible, and that's annoying!"  
  
"Is there a point to this?"  
  
"Oh, shut up and give me two muffins and make Rory her stupid pancakes," said Lorelai as she picked up her coffee and left her counter. "You're impossible."  
  
"What?"  
  
Lorelai went back to where Rory was sitting and put her coffee on the table angrily. "Ugh, that's so typical of him."  
  
"You didn't get me my coffee," Rory noticed.  
  
"I mean, I cannot believe him."  
  
"I always have coffee in the morning."  
  
"So, what, nothing happened?"  
  
"Mom," said Rory, shaking her gently, "Is it time for that emergency lobotomy again? You forgot my coffee. And you're talking to yourself."  
  
"I'm not talking to myself," said Lorelai, "I was talking to you, but with no particular interest in your response. And if you want your coffee you have to go back there and get it yourself, because there's no way I'm stepping foot behind that counter again."  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
"Nothing, absolutely nothing," Lorelai whined, "He's pretending that nothing happened."  
  
"Isn't that what you want?"  
  
"No," said Lorelai, "I would like him to acknowledge something happened, and then say, that nothing has happened."  
  
"You're insane."  
  
"I'm not. It's insulting, the way he acts like nothing *nearly* happened."  
  
"Oh, you know Luke, mom," said Rory. "He's probably uncomfortable talking about it, so it was either this, or grunt three times and growl at you."  
  
"I'd prefer the grunting."  
  
* * *  
  
"Lorelai, you're late," said Emily as she swung open the door. "I've been waiting for you for ages now."  
  
"Mom," said Lorelai, stepping in and hanging up her coat. Rory did the same. "We're like ten minutes late."  
  
"You're a quarter of an hour late."  
  
"Which is a fancy way of saying ten minutes late."  
  
"A quarter of an hour is fifteen minutes."  
  
"So give or take five minutes, what's the big deal? Rory got her hair stuck in the hairdryer again. It took three paramedics and an electrician, but we finally got the problem solved."  
  
"Lorelai, stop being ridiculous," said Emily. "We all know the only reason you're here late is because you left late. Now hurry up, or I have to call Sarah to start making dinner all over again, because I refuse to eat reheated food."  
  
"Where's Grandpa?" asked Rory.  
  
"Your grandfather's off on one of his business trips again," sighed Emily, "One minute he's all free to watch a film, and the next minute he's flying somewhere again."  
  
"If only we could all be so lucky."  
  
"Lorelai don't be rude."  
  
*  
  
"Ooh," said Lorelai, as she stared at the piece of mouth-watering chocolate cake laid out in front of her. "Yummy."  
  
"Sarah's cake is absolutely delicious," said Emily, motioning for Rory to eat it. "Try some."  
  
Lorelai, on the other hand, needed no encouragement as she had already started on her slice.   
  
"How come you don't call that Luke man over for dinner?" asked Emily suddenly.  
  
"Uh-oh," mumbled Rory.  
  
"I'm sorry, what?" Lorelai looked up from her cake eating.  
  
"Luke. I'm sure you remember him. Big, tall, looks like an extra from 'Deliverance'."  
  
"What about Luke, mom?" Lorelai's voice became ice cold.  
  
"I like cake," said Rory, hoping to change the topic. "I have liked cake since I was very young."  
  
"I'm just saying," said Emily, "It would be nice to have him over for dinner one of these days. He looks like a very nice man, and it seems that you two like each other very much so I …"  
  
"Excuse me?"  
  
"You know what else I like?" Rory interjected. "Pie. I like pie. Who else likes pie?"  
  
"Well, Lorelai," Emily continued, regardless of Rory's off-tangent remarks, "You two are clearly fond of each other, and I just assumed it wouldn't be too inappropriate for him to …"  
  
"Wouldn't be too inappropriate?" Lorelai echoed bitterly, "Yes, you're right. What you're doing is perfectly appropriate."  
  
"I just want to know a little bit more about him, that's all," Emily obviously did not know when to stop – a typical Gilmore trait. "He works at that diner, doesn't he?"  
  
"Well, that's his day job," said Lorelai, "But the real money comes from his pimping of underage girls."  
  
"Lorelai, don't use language like that in front of Rory!"  
  
"Please mom," said Lorelai in exasperation, "She's not retarded. Look. Pimp, pimp, pimp, pimp, pimp. No damage there."  
  
"One day, we had cranberry pie at school, but when what it actually was was apple pie, and when everybody found out, there was an outrage," said Rory. "There was a petition and everything."  
  
"For heaven's sake," said Emily, "I was just trying to have a decent conversation. Is that too much to ask?"  
  
"World peace is not too much to ask," said Lorelai. "Wanting Freddie Prinze Jr. to win an Oscar is not too much to ask. But since you brought it up, yes, mother, having a decent conversation with you is too much to ask."  
  
"There are various kinds of pie," Rory continued, "And if you were to ask me, I couldn't really tell you which is my favorite. Who can tell me their favorite kind of pie?"  
  
"I don't see why you don't want to include me in your life."  
  
"I'm not," Lorelai insisted, "It's just that there's nothing to talk about. Luke and I are friends, that's all. I'm so tired of saying that over and over again."  
  
"Then why were you on a date with him the other night?"  
  
"I was not. It was just a movie."  
  
"Was there anyone else there?"  
  
"No, but …"  
  
"Did he pick you up?"  
  
"Yes, but I could have…"  
  
"Did he pay for your food?"  
  
"The popcorn, I guess, but I would..."  
  
"It's a date."  
  
"No, it's not."  
  
"Who wants to hear a funny story about pudding?" Rory asked. "Because I have two, possibly three, knee-slappers right here."  
  
"Mom," Lorelai pointed at Rory, "Look what you're doing to Rory. You've driven her insane."  
  
"Oh, please," Emily brushed off Lorelai's remark. "I didn't do anything. Rory, stop talking about dessert. There, cured."  
  
"You've made her nuts."  
  
"I see her once a week," Emily continued, "If anything, you're the one who has the biggest impact on her mental health, and frankly, looking at her in the past few minutes, I'm not very confident about the job you're doing."  
  
"She acts fine at home."  
  
"Will the both of you stop it?" Rory pushed her chair back and got up. "You're both making me crazy. If you'll excuse me, I'm going out to the sitting room, where you've finished tearing each other's throats out." Rory promptly walked out of the dining room.  
  
There was a couple of minutes of awkward silence, before Emily commented. "She gets that kind of behavior from you, you know."  
  
* *   
A/N: Sorry, not much L/L interaction in this part, but I always thought it was more interesting to have Lorelai interact with other characters (especially Emily) instead of just Luke. Don't kill me.  
More L/L coming up, I promise. 


	9. Touch My Bagel

NINE: TOUCH MY BAGEL  
  
Note: Thank you guys for all the reviews! I love them, every single one. Keep them coming; you make me feel happy. And when I'm happy, the world is a better place.  
  
------  
  
Lorelai poked at her cake with the silver fork. She and her mother had not spoken a word to each other since Rory left.  
  
Emily put her fork down in exasperation, her untouched slice of cake staring blankly back at her. "Oh, for heaven's sake, Lorelai, this is ridiculous."  
  
"Please, mom, I'm trying to finish my dessert."  
  
"Why do you always act like this?"  
  
"Been taking lessons from Angie Dickinson."  
  
"You can't answer questions like a normal human being, can you?" Emily sighed. "All I wanted to do was have a decent conversation, and you had to go act like a child and make Rory ramble on about pie and cake and dessert, and I think you've now successfully halved her IQ."  
  
"Ugh, that is so slanderous," Lorelai said, "I intend to storm out of here the minute I finish eating my cake. You watch me. As soon as I'm done, I'm out of here, sister." She cut a piece of the cake with her fork and stuffed it into her mouth.  
  
"Stop eating like that," Emily insisted, "You look like you just came in from a refugee camp."  
  
"Do you always have to pass judgment on everything I do?"  
  
"I don't pass judgment, don't be ridiculous, Lorelai. And sit up straight. If you keep slouching, it'll ruin your back, you'll get a bad posture, and nobody is going to want to marry you. It's not like you don't have enough things working against you in that area as it is."  
  
"Aha!" said Lorelai, between bites of her rapidly finishing cake. "There you go, judge, judge, judge. You're Judge Judy, only difference is I don't have the pleasure of switching channels, or muting you."  
  
"Lorelai…"  
  
"You should be on The Practice."  
  
"Lorelai."  
  
"Wait, I have one more," said Lorelai, "You were the inspiration behind Judge Dredd."  
  
"Lorelai, stop that. Why can't I ask Luke to come over for dinner?" Emily began again.  
  
"Oh, look, I've finished my cake," said Lorelai, getting up. "I will now commence the storming out."  
  
"Lorelai, sit down," said Emily. "I was just asking an innocent question. It's not like I'm telling you to marry him. Although, if he asks, I would say yes because I don't think you'd be spoilt for choice in the years to come. "  
  
"Mom, can we not go through this again?" Lorelai said, "Luke and I are just friends. Man, am I'm tired of saying that. I think I'll record that phrase and mail it you so you can talk to it and press a little button to hear the same response I always give you."  
  
"Don't be absurd, you know I hate talking to machines," said Emily. "He seems like a nice man, that's all. A little too country for me, but you take what you can get."  
  
"All rise for Judge Gilmore."  
  
"I don't mean that negatively," said Emily, "I'm sure he's positively charming in his Hill-Billy sort of way. You talk about him all the time, I just thought if he was such a big part of your life, I should get to meet him."  
  
"You've met him."  
  
"Yes, but not in a proper social setting," Emily said, "That's why I was thinking of inviting him over for our Friday night dinners."  
  
"Gee, I don't know, Friday is normally hayride day back at the barn," Lorelai replied, "Look, mom, I know mean good, as unbelievable as that may sound, but Luke and I are exactly what I say we are. If and when that ever changes, then, maybe, I'll let you know, and you take it from there. Can we just enjoy the rest of the night? I already have to up Rory's valium intake after her little outburst just now."  
  
"All right," said Emily, "But this isn't the last of it."  
  
"It never is."  
  
*  
  
"So, I'm glad you and Grandma worked things out," said Rory on the drive home. "I was afraid you were going to go postal on each other."  
  
"It's fine, for now," said Lorelai, "But I really think we should get her a gavel for Christmas this year."  
  
"Done," said Rory. "It's better than that thong idea you had last month."  
  
"Hello, that would have been perfect," said Lorelai, "Can you imagine her face?"  
  
"I'd rather not," Rory said, "I think I'm already in enough trouble with her after screaming at her tonight."  
  
"Oh, she's over that," said Lorelai, "I just had to promise she would be consulted on all aspects of your medication from now on."  
  
"That's comforting. So what are you going to do about Luke?"  
  
"Aww, not you too. I'll have to mail you that recording as well."  
  
"What recording?"  
  
"Never mind," said Lorelai. "Why is everybody so interested in me and Luke?"  
  
"Ever since Roswell was taken off the air, we've had to find other sources of entertainment."  
  
"I don't know what I'm going to do," said Lorelai. "I'll probably just drop by the diner tonight. You think he'll be sick of me by now?"  
  
"You know he loves it when you're there," said Rory, "He once told me when he met you, suddenly, he understood what Celine Dion was singing about all this while."  
  
"You think you're funny, but you're not," said Lorelai, "You're like Conan O'Brien."  
  
"What a mean thing to say," said Rory, "So, what are you going to tell Luke?"  
  
"Are we still on this topic?"  
  
"No, I was talking about Luke Perry," Rory said, "It's been a while since 90210, but when you do run into him, what are you going to say?"  
  
"With careful maneuvering," said Lorelai, "I can swerve this car into that traffic light in such a way that only you end up impaled and I escape unharmed."  
  
"You're satanic," said Rory. "And you didn't answer my question."  
  
"About Luke Perry?"  
  
"About Luke."  
  
"Perry?"  
  
"Mom..."  
  
"I don't know," said Lorelai, "I don't exactly have a speech prepared, if that's what you mean. I'll just wing it."  
  
"God."  
  
"What?"  
  
"We all know what happens when you wing things."  
  
"What? What happens?"  
  
"First," said Rory, "You start out on topic, then you start making these obscure pop culture references in an attempt to be witty, and then that suddenly degenerates into you complaining about something meaningless, and the person you're talking to wants to hide in the basement until you go away."  
  
"That is so not true," said Lorelai, "And I must say that I am gravely offended. Go to you room."  
  
"We're in the jeep. On the highway."  
  
"Then when we get home, you go straight to your room. I'm sending you to bed without supper."  
  
"I'm glad you're taking the Enid Blyton approach to parenting."  
  
"Yeah, well," said Lorelai. "Whatever."  
  
"Good comeback."  
  
*  
  
Lorelai entered the diner, and she spotted Luke and Jess at the counter, cleaning up.  
  
"Hey," she said as she walked up to them. "Had a sudden craving for a late night coffee and a bagel. You mind?"  
  
"I just cleaned up everything," said Jess.  
  
"That's okay," said Luke, as he grabbed a mug of coffee from behind the counter and filled it. He put a bagel on a plate and pushed it to Lorelai. "There you go."  
  
"Fine," said Jess, "Don't listen to what *I* say. What does it matter? I just spent the past hour washing all the damn mugs and plates."  
  
"I'll wash these up myself, okay, Cinderella?" Lorelai said.  
  
"Where's Rory?" asked Luke.   
  
"Oh, she couldn't come," said Lorelai, tearing into her bagel, "She wanted to, but she changed her mind at the last minute. She decided to spend the night touching up some of her assignments, so she'll have enough time to do her extra coursework tomorrow. Go figure."  
  
"So, she nearly came."  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"So you want to talk about that?" said Luke, leaning over the counter. "Because , you know, just because she nearly came with you, but didn't in the end, that doesn't mean we can ignore it and pretend she never wanted to come in the first place."  
  
"Ooh, so this is what my own medicine tastes like," Lorelai said. "I don't care for it."  
  
"You've had it once, I've had to put up with it for years," he answered with a slight smile. "You'll get used to it."  
  
"Ugh," mumbled Jess in the corner, "Just do it already."  
  
"Go to your room," said Luke sternly.  
  
"It's a Friday night," said Jess, "I'm not going to my room. I'm going out."  
  
"Where?"  
  
"I don't know," said Jess, "Maybe volunteer at the soup kitchen, or see if the Church is still open. Haven't prayed today yet."  
  
"Be back by one."  
  
"Yeah, whatever," said Jess, throwing his apron on the counter, "See you."  
  
Lorelai turned back and watched him go. "Bright ray of sunshine, isn't he?"  
  
"Yup," said Luke, "I thank God for him everyday. Hey, you finished your bagel."  
  
"Do you have another one?" Lorelai pushed her plate forward. "You would think that I wouldn't be hungry. I had the biggest meal at Judgmental City tonight."  
  
"Oh, yeah," Luke placed another bagel on her plate, "How's your mom?"  
  
"Do you mean mentally?"  
  
"I mean in general."  
  
"She's fine," said Lorelai, "Though I'm using that term lightly. She wants to see you next Friday."  
  
"Really?" Luke looked surprised. "That's unexpected."  
  
"You're telling me."  
  
"Should I bring anything?"  
  
Lorelai gasped. "That's not funny."  
  
"What?" Luke grinned, "When someone asks you to dinner, the polite thing is to accept. Should I wear my red flannel or my blue?"  
  
"How about the red one, it would look good with your bloodied face once I'm done with you."  
  
"I'm scared, believe me," said Luke, "I'm just kidding. If you don't want me there, I won't go. Just tell your mother I had something else to do then."  
  
"It's not that I don't want you there," Lorelai explained, "It's just that my mother can be a little too much to handle. I'd much rather keep her out of my Stars Hollow life, if you understand."  
  
"Hey, no problem."  
  
"I don't like this bagel," said Lorelai, after biting into her second bagel, "It tastes funny."  
  
"It's identical to the one you devoured a few seconds ago."  
  
"Can I get another one?" Lorelai asked, "Put this one back."  
  
"You just bit into it, I'm not putting it back. Finish the bagel, don't waste it."  
  
"I don't like it. You have it."  
  
"I don't eat bagels."  
  
"Close your eyes and pretend it's a salad."  
  
"Lorelai, I'm not touching your bagel."  
  
"Ooh, that sounds so dirty, I bet you say that to all the girls."  
  
"Only the ones that don't finish eating what I serve them."  
  
"Come on Luke," said Lorelai, "It tastes funny. This bagel is old, and it's moldy – like Alec Baldwin's career."  
  
"There aren't any more bagels left," said Luke. "That's the last one."  
  
"Can I have a muffin?"  
  
"Fine," said Luke reluctantly, handing her a muffin from the display case on the counter. "You'd better finish it this time."  
  
"Promise," said Lorelai, as she took a bite of her muffin. She made a face, and swallowed. "For the next one. I'll eat the next one."  
  
"What's wrong with this muffin?"  
  
"It's has too much flour. It tastes… like flour."  
  
"Very articulate," said Luke, "But that's all the muffins you're going to get. I'm not running a factory here. If you finish that, and if you're still hungry, maybe I'll give you a slice of pie."  
  
"I'll pass," said Lorelai, pushing away the muffin, "No pie is worth that."  
  
"You insulting my muffins?" Luke asked, "A lot of people love my muffins."  
  
"And we're back to talking dirty again," Lorelai feigned a sigh. "Can't you get your mind out of the gutter for half a second?"  
  
"Just drink your coffee, Lorelai."  
  
---  
* to be continued * - will Lorelai and Luke have … "The Talk"? Or will I drag things out longer than I have to? Am I evil? Do you love me? There are many questions, if only we had the answers.   
  
I'm sorry, I think it's the cough medicine talking. 


	10. And They Say Jackie Chan Isn't A Serious...

TEN: AND THEY SAY JACKIE CHAN ISN'T A SERIOUS ACTOR  
  
====  
  
Important Dedication:  
Ha, you think I've forgotten all you people who wrote reviews? Thanks for everything, I luvvvv you. This one is for:  
Vonda, Lady-of-the-flame, Your Worshipfulness, Oregano, ScoobyGal55, Briana, Circlesky, EyEzOnLy, Angeleyez, jewls13, Leigh, melia, Crystal, giggleboxsam, Madison, NYMetsGirl1986, Bull, Len, bina, Jedi Prophetess, maddie, Jedi Slayer Kimmy, Melissa Larkin, GGFAN, Knight Maria, Leigh, Lubysrock, clever-lazy, Madison Faye, blondee, Mayhem, Mysterious Siren, Barb, KT-Beth, Karen Murray, firegoddess1014, otownroxx, crazy-dreams, Lana, ev, likethat, tanub, Nicole  
  
Special Gold Stars for reviewing multiple times! :  
ScoobyGal55, Angeleyez, jewls13, Your Worshipfulness, melia, maddie, Leigh, Melissa Larkin, Bull, clever-lazy, firegoddess1014, Knight_Maria, otownroxx, blondee, EyEzOnLy, Jedi Prophetess.  
  
Extra Special Dedication:  
To me, because I rock, I'm special, and I love myself. Why can't I dedicate something to myself? Like Whitney Houston said, learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all. So there.  
  
And a special, one time offer :  
The next fifty reviewers will receive a very special "Luke Loves Lorelai" straightjacket, available in sea green, shocking pink, and sky blue. Just because you're insane, doesn't mean you can't look stylish.  
  
Now, back to our show.  
  
====  
  
  
"Done," said Lorelai, wiping the corners of her mouth with a serviette. She hammered her mug on the counter lightly. "Refill."  
  
"I think you've had just about enough for tonight," Luke said, hanging the dishcloth over his shoulder once he was done wiping the tables. "You won't be able to sleep with all that caffeine pumping through your veins."  
  
"Okay, clearly you have just met me," said Lorelai, "My body does not work like conventional human bodies. Refill, please."  
  
"I'm all out of coffee. Sorry."  
  
"There's a big pot right over there."  
  
"That's decaf."  
  
"Liar," Lorelai answered, "Refill. And hurry, my mouth's getting dry."  
  
"When it finally kills you," Luke reached out for the coffee pot and filled her mug, "Don't say I didn't warn you."  
  
"Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I remember you saying something about pie earlier. Where is that?"  
  
"You didn't finish your bagel, you didn't finish your muffin, what on earth makes you think that I'm going to give you pie? If I wanted to waste food I would throw it at Taylor."  
  
"I'm hungry."  
  
"Well, eat the bagel," Luke pushed the plate with Lorelai's uneaten bagel on it, "Or the muffin. If you're really hungry, go crazy, eat both."  
  
"Don't be mean," said Lorelai, "I spent the entire day thinking about your pie, and now you're not going to let me have even a nibble? Oooh, that sounded less naughty in my head."  
  
Luke sighed. "You're only going to waste it."  
  
"You're just going to throw it out anyway," said Lorelai, "Because I don't think you should be serving day old pie."  
  
"Maybe I want to give it to a homeless person."  
  
"There are no homeless people in Stars Hollow."  
  
"Then maybe I want to drive to Hartford and feed some homeless people there."  
  
"You would drive all the way there just so I won't get the pie? How vindictive is that?" Lorelai said. "Well, let me tell you something, vindictiveness is the cornerstone of anger, which in itself is one of the seven deadly sins… so there."  
  
"So is gluttony."  
  
"What exactly is your point?"  
  
"Just take the damn pie," Luke gave in. He cut her a slice and put it on her plate. "And make sure you finish it."  
  
"Ha ha," Lorelai laughed, "You have no backbone whatsoever. You're like Spongebob Squarepants, only without the charming geometrical body shape."  
  
"Do you want the pie or not? Because I could take it away anytime."  
  
"Maybe you are unaware about a little thing I like to call charity," said Lorelai, "Which states, one should give unto those less fortunate, and not threaten to take away the things which one gives away just because the less fortunate happen to make a few comments which one does not like."  
  
"Well, you've summed up the concept of charity well."  
  
"I know. You should go to church more often. I hear they teach you all sorts of fun things like this," said Lorelai.   
  
"I'm sure, somewhere a priest is smiling."  
  
"You know," said Lorelai, after taking another huge bite of her pie. "When I was younger, I wanted to marry a priest. Do you want to know why?"  
  
"If I said no, would it stop you from telling me anyways?"  
  
"No, it wouldn't," said Lorelai. "You see, back then, I thought marrying a priest was my ticket to heaven. Because, once we were married, I could do whatever I like, and there's no way I'm going to hell, because if I went to hell, my priest husband would be sad, because obviously he would be going to heaven, and we would be separated. It would be like punishing him, and that would be wrong, because he's a priest and you don't punish priests in the afterlife. So I thought, if I married a priest, I would be pretty set for life."  
  
"Do you listen to yourself when you talk?"  
  
"Of course, eventually, someone sat me down and told me that you cannot marry your way into God's kingdom, which left me looking for Plan B," said Lorelai. "Ah, the foibles of youth. I need to be young again."  
  
"I think you need a fast acting sedative," said Luke, "Are you done with your pie? I'm closing up soon."  
  
"Done," said Lorelai, licking the fork and pushing her plate forward to Luke for inspection. "And if you examine it properly, you will see that I did not waste your pie. Once again, you have been proven wrong."  
  
"Good," said Luke, taking the plate from her and washing it in the sink behind. "Although I'm surprised that bottomless pit of a stomach could squeeze in another piece of pie so late at night."  
  
"The wonders of the human body," said Lorelai, getting up. She took out her purse. "How much do I owe you?"  
  
"Forget about it," said Luke, drying his hands on a cloth hanging by the sink. "I don't charge customers for day old pie. Or for uneaten bagels and muffins, for that matter."  
  
"Thank you, sir," said Lorelai, putting back her purse. "So, I'll see you tomorrow? I'll be the one salivating over your coffee."  
  
She turned to go as Luke walked out from behind the counter. "I'll walk you home."  
  
"It's okay, you don't have to," said Lorelai. "You probably have to lock up and everything."  
  
"It's no big deal," Luke answered, as he followed her out of the diner. "I can do that later when I get back."  
  
"Okay."  
  
*  
  
"So, our friend Jackie Chan was in the newspapers again," said Lorelai, as they walked up the porch steps. "Apparently he's frustrated that nobody considers him to be a serious actor."  
  
"Now, that is surprising. Especially after his riveting performance in Rush Hour."  
  
"You don't have to be sarcastic," said Lorelai, "And I happen to think that there are a few things we could learn from Mr. Chan."  
  
"Yeah, like violence is an answer to everything."  
  
"No, but right now I must admit it does look like an appealing course of action," said Lorelai. "Jackie Chan is the champion of the underdog; he teaches us to value action over words, to take a chance and not be afraid of the consequences. That is respectable."  
  
"You haven't been drinking your perfume again, have you?"  
  
"No, you know I only did that the one time," said Lorelai, "And let me tell you, again, that it is still perfectly normal to wonder whether anything that smells good, would also taste equally as good."  
  
The front door opened, and Rory stepped out. "Oh, hi."  
  
"Where are you going?" asked Lorelai, looking at her watch. "It's late."  
  
"Dean called me," said Rory, "We're heading over to the lake to sit and talk and look at the stars. I hear it's a very romantic thing to do."  
  
"It's late," Lorelai said, "I don't want you roaming all over town at night. Who knows what kind of psychopaths are out there?"  
  
"Mom," Rory sighed, "It's Stars Hollow. The closest person we have to a psychopath is Miss Patty, and even she is just mildly threatening."  
  
"To you, maybe," muttered Luke under his breath.  
  
"We're just going to the lake," said Rory, "We won't be long. It's not like we're going to do anything illegal or something morally frowned upon."  
  
"Well, you can do that here, can't you?" Lorelai said.  
  
"We want to look at the lake."  
  
"You want to look at the lake," Lorelai repeated.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Just the lake."  
  
"Just the lake," Rory confirmed.  
  
"So, since you just want to look at the lake," said Lorelai, "You wouldn't mind if you and Dean stayed here, while I go out and take a Polaroid of the lake, and then give it to the two of you to look at in my living room."  
  
"You can't go to the lake alone," Rory challenged. "It's late, and there are psychopaths. You said so yourself."  
  
"I won't go alone," said Lorelai. "I'll take Luke."  
  
"Excuse me?" Luke spoke. Lorelai and Rory decided it was best to ignore him.  
  
"You're doing the exact same thing you don't want me to do," said Rory.   
  
"Well, hello, that is a parent's job. Didn't you see 'Road to Perdition'?" Lorelai said.   
  
"Mom…"  
  
"Heh, okay," said Lorelai, "I'm done messing with you now. You can go. Just don't come back too late, and try not to drown. Our community tends to disapprove of parents who send their children to a watery grave."  
  
"I'll try my best," said Rory, as she ran down the steps. "I'll see you later. Bye, Luke."  
  
"That conversation could have been much shorter," said Luke.  
  
"I know," said Lorelai, "But where's the fun in that? Hey, you want to come in for a while? I have an assorted array of water available. Tap water, bottled water, ice water – that's both cubed and crushed , by the way - warm water, hot water, the list goes on. I'm like a freaking bar."  
  
"Thanks, but it's kind of late," said Luke, "And besides, I don't want your neighbors to get the wrong idea. I can see Babette staring out through her blinds over there."  
  
"Well, I don't really blame her. Ever since Cinammon passed on, her social life has really gone downhill," said Lorelai. "Want to show her something worth seeing?"  
  
She walked up close to him until their bodies were just inches apart. She looked up at Luke; from the right angle it could easily be misconstrued that the both of them were sharing an intimate moment.  
  
'What are you doing?', the rational part of her mind screamed, but Lorelai couldn't hear it. She didn't know what she was doing , or why she did it, but she just felt that it was something she wanted to do. She couldn't understand it herself, but she guessed Rory would figure out an explanation for her later.  
  
Luke looked at her, into her eyes. He was getting nervous, his heart was beating and his palms were beginning to sweat. He had been close to her before, physically, but this time it seemed different. There was something else there. He swallowed and fidgeted, putting his hands in his pockets and then taking them out. His usually gruff voice was somewhat strained: "You know, the whole town's going to go crazy if she tells them."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Lorelai?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"What you said earlier … about action over words, and taking chances. Do you really believe in that?"  
  
"I guess so," she said, "If it's the right action. And the right chance. Why?"  
  
"Nothing, I just …" He stopped himself short, and leaned down.  
  
He pressed his lips gently against hers, and kissed her.  
  
Lorelai didn't object to that.  
  
* *  
to be continued  
* *  
  
I'm thinking of posting the next part in March 2004. What do you think? Haha… no, I'm not that wicked . . . or am I? 


	11. Kissy Kissy, Fishy Fishy

ELEVEN: KISSY KISSY, FISHY FISHY  
  
  
"I think it's sweet," said Rory, the next morning as they began their daily walk through Stars Hollow. "Luke's going to be my new daddy. Heh."  
  
"It's weird, isn't it?" Lorelai added, "One minute he's like 'Death Becomes You', and the next minute he's all kissy-kissy. I can't figure it out."  
  
"Did you like kissy-kissy?"  
  
"I liked kissy-kissy."  
  
"So it was a good kissy-kissy."  
  
"We have to stop talking like this," said Lorelai. "People will think we got hit by a bong again."  
  
"A common misconception about us," said Rory. "So how was it? What did you guys do after that? The PG-13 version, bear in mind."  
  
"Nothing," said Lorelai. "He kissed me, I kissed him back. I said something stupid like 'oh, look, the moon is full', and he said 'yes, it is', and I said 'the moon is full only once a month'. That was the high point of our conversation. After that he said goodnight and he went home."  
  
"Just like that?"  
  
"He's a very complicated man."  
  
"So, we are walking to Luke's, right?" Rory asked, "Because I don't want to be surprised by a sudden detour to Al's Pancake World."  
  
"I don't know. Should we?"  
  
"What do you want to do?"  
  
"I don't know. Hence my asking you. You really have to learn to listen."  
  
"Okay. Fine. What do you think you should do?"  
  
"I don't know. Oh, I feel like I'm on Jeopardy," said Lorelai. "I don't want to avoid him. But if I step in there, what am I supposed to do? Do I say hi? Do I say 'Hey, great kiss last night. How are your lips?' ? Do I kiss him again? What?"  
  
"You go in and you ask for coffee like you always do," said Rory, "I will follow suit. And whatever Luke does we'll take it from there."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
"Yes. I am, after all, the voice of wisdom."  
  
"Yeah, I wanted that put down on your birth certificate, but the nurse wouldn't let me," Lorelai quipped. "So… Luke's?"  
  
"For the sixth thousand time, yes," Rory sighed, "Confrontation is half the battle."  
  
"I think Mariah Carey said that," said Lorelai, "Of course, I think it was before she went crazy."  
  
"You're not that far off yourself."  
  
"Hey…"  
  
*  
  
Lorelai pushed open the door to the diner cautiously, looking around for Luke before she stepped inside. Rory waited impatiently behind her.  
  
"Can we get inside sometime this millennium?" Rory called from behind.   
  
Lorelai begrudgingly walked inside, and Rory brushed past her and sat down at a nearby empty table. Lorelai looked around, but couldn't find look anywhere.  
  
"He's not here," she said. "Where is he?"  
  
"Maybe he's in the storage room," said Rory, "Or upstairs, or something."  
  
"What does this mean?"  
  
"What does what mean?"  
  
"He's avoiding me."  
  
"Mom, don't be ridiculous."  
  
"Oh, come on," said Lorelai, "He's here every single day, and coincidentally, he disappears on the day which just happens to be the day after the night he kissed me. Ooh, I bet he's gone fishing again."  
  
"Mom, Luke does not go fishing every time he doesn't want to talk to you."  
  
"Really? Well, clearly you did not know about the summer of '96, when an unfortunate disagreement was sparked over Bruce Springsteen's musical genius. He caught sixty-two pounds of fish. Oh, yeah he's gone fishing. I smell something fishy here."  
  
"Look, he's right there," said Rory, pointing behind Lorelai. "He just came out from the storage room."  
  
"Oh," said Lorelai, calming down. "Maybe I should go talk to him."  
  
"Talk away," said Rory.  
  
"You're supporting me, right?"  
  
"One hundred percent. I have pom-poms and sparkles in my heart."  
  
"'Kay," Lorelai said, as she got up, and walked to the counter.   
  
Luke looked up at her, and gave her a half-nod, half-smile reaction. He seemed to be in an as awkward position as her, and didn't really know what to say.  
  
"Hey," said Lorelai, breaking the silence first.  
  
"Hi."  
  
"So…"  
  
"So."  
  
"So."  
  
Another long, uncomfortable pause followed their brief exchange.  
  
"You know, I need to unpack some stuff in the storage room," said Luke, motioning to the back. "You want to help me?"  
  
"Okay," said Lorelai, as she followed Luke into the storage room.  
  
Once they were both inside, he closed the door behind him, and turned around to face Lorelai. "So."  
  
"Banana."  
  
"What?"  
  
"I got tired of saying the same word over and over again," said Lorelai. "What do you want me to help you unpack?"  
  
"Nothing," said Luke, "I just thought we could talk better here."  
  
"Oh," Lorelai nodded. "I think I'm going to go back to saying 'so' again soon, if you don't come up with something else."  
  
"Last night …" Luke started, trying to get the words out. "Last night was…"  
  
"…weird."  
  
"I was going to say 'different', but I'm glad to see how you looked at it."  
  
"I didn't mean it like that," Lorelai said quickly, "I mean … come on, Luke. It's you… and it's me. You have to admit last night was a little strange."  
  
"A little."  
  
"A little," Lorelai said, with a small smile. "A little."  
  
"I … when… when I left last night the way I did," Luke continued, putting his hand behind his head nervously. "I… I… it's not because I didn't want … ah, geez."  
  
"I know. It was the same for me."  
  
"Because, you know… it's not that I didn't … like it. Because I did. Like it. I mean, I don't… mean it in a perverted kind of way, but it was… okay, I guess."  
  
"You know exactly what every girl wants to hear."  
  
"I mean, well," Luke started stammering again, "It was… okay , I mean, better than okay. It was…"  
  
"Nice."  
  
"Nice."  
  
"A different sort of nice," said Lorelai. "But nice."  
  
"God, this conversation is screwed."  
  
"You're telling me," said Lorelai, sitting down on one of the boxes by the side of the shelf. "This may possibly be the first time in my entire life I am at a lost for words. You are now witnessing a historic event."  
  
"I'll write it in my journal," Luke said, taking a seat beside her. "So what do we do now?"  
  
"Sex in the storage room?" Lorelai joked, but stopped when she noticed Luke blushed and looked away. "Sorry. Wrong time for that."  
  
Luke fiddled with his baseball cap, putting it the right way around, and then wearing it backwards again. "What do you think we should do?"  
  
"I don't know," said Lorelai. "Okay, I think I've said that phrase more times this morning than most people have ever said in their whole lives. I don't know what to do. Things are …different."  
  
"So, what now?" Luke put his hands together. "Do you want to pretend this never happened?"  
  
"No," said Lorelai. "I don't want to do that."  
  
"Neither do I." Luke swallowed hard, before glancing at Lorelai. "Do you think , that… maybe later… we could later do something. Together."  
  
"Like what?"  
  
"Dinner? I could … take you out someplace. Nice. I don't know," Luke sighed, and put his head in his hands. "I haven't done this for such a long time."  
  
"Are you asking me out?"  
  
"Yes," said Luke. "I'm doing it badly… but I'm doing it."  
  
"Okay."  
  
"Okay?" Luke queried, "As in 'yes'?"  
  
"Yes," Lorelai gently put one hand on his leg. "I would like that."  
  
Luke could hardly believe his ears. He felt like he was dreaming, and that all this wasn't real, but at the same time, he knew that it was. He smiled at Lorelai, trying his best not to grin like an idiot. "Okay. It's a start, isn't it?"  
  
"It is," said Lorelai, getting up. "We'd better get out, or Rory's going to think we've killed each other in here."  
  
  
"Right," Luke got up quickly. "Erm.. so I'll see you later I guess."  
  
"If later means ten seconds, yes," said Lorelai, "I still haven't gotten my coffee yet, remember?"  
  
"Oh, yeah," said Luke, as he walked out of the storage room. "You know, that stuff will kill you. It'll be slow, but it'll kill you eventually."  
  
"Charming."  
  
* * * THE END * * *   
  
  
A/N : That's it. The show's over, kids. I didn't want to drag it on any longer than I had to… Thank you everybody who has reviewed this, you've truly made writing a better experience. You guys are my best friends, even though most of you probably think I am a freak with too much time on my free hands. Now that I have completed this fic, I'll probably start a new one some time later, when I can think of a good idea. Send me all your good ideas for a great L/L fic, because I'm horrible at thinking up plots (this fic should be proof of that). Thanks a lot, and I hope you enjoyed the fic : ) 


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